December 31, 2015
Saitama City, Japan
That was amazingly fast.
Before I begin my musing over the last 365 days of 2015, I would like to thank everyone who played a great part in my life. It wouldn’t be remarkable and crazy without YOU in it, and honestly it would be extraordinary if you will still join me on my next chapter…
Let’s continue to be a part of each other’s lives.
for continually sharing the ‘gift of life’
for all the joy and laughter you brought into my life
for all the precious time I shared with my loved ones regardless of hectic schedule
for all the surprises You showed me
for all the resources we’ve got to survive every single day
for all the friends I gained despite the storm
for all the chances I had to make things better
for all the strength to carry on
for all the determination to continue my passion
for all the pain I had to go thru to be who I am today
for all the tears I released to ease the agony
I am not in control of everything that has been happening in my life, but I am grateful on how my choices in life turned out. I had to deal with tons of constant and consecutive changes but nothing beats the joy of living with my own family.
Looking back to the first six months of 2015, I was merely enjoying going to different places in the Philippines, while attending few training related to nursing. I was trying to go back to my first love with no rush. It brought so much pain and confusion when you already know what you like to do but the odds seems to be unlikely. It was always a tough battle going back to where I was but I kept on moving. Little did I know, I am already changing path. I guess I was enjoying too much to notice the shift in my world.
However, life keeps on challenging me. I was myself before I sleep but I woke up broken and tormented. My thoughts were eating me up and my eyes were drowning. I cried for help but no one heard me, I am not even sure if my voice came out. Just like other relationships, mine was not perfect and we had a lot of misunderstanding. People didn’t have to know everything about us. Whenever life check on me, I pray and forgive.
“It sounds foolish to others, but I still believe that a person can change and that a person can be renewed.”
Life can be ironic but still it can be kind and I am back with my family since July 1st of 2015. I can’t imagine how it all happened so quickly, from changing homes to adjusting in a new environment.
I woke up no longer in my room but beside the person who carried me in her womb for nine months – my Mother. I am safe here, I always thought. As I stayed longer, I am getting used to new faces, fresh vicinity, changing seasons and in a country where language is totally different.
Not everyone knew that I had to risk all comfort in my first home – Philippines. I lived there for the past twenty three years of my life – since birth, to attending schools from kinder to college, building lifetime friendships, experiencing my first love and numerous heartbreaks and countless mishaps along the road.
It’s where I started my everything but I am partly wrong… I am missing the chance of being with the important people in my life… I have accepted the changes wholeheartedly for it is my personal choice – to be with my own constants thru the good and the bad, under one roof.
They say I am lucky to be here, but I would rather say blessed. I am not here just to wander around. Just like other adult, I have to work my ass off and do the things I am supposed to be doing at this age. I am honestly too lax about the life I have, or maybe I am too contented with what is already in front of me. And yes, I believe that everything too much is not good in the long run.
Everyday I tell myself that I wanted to DO MORE and BE MORE. I am very close to being certain that I am not born to do little so I engage in a lot of activities. I exhaust skills I can improve and I woke up every single day to learn something new and fun. I like to spend my twenty four hours doing the things that matter to me, the things I love.
Have you ask yourself, what do you really want?
Well for me, I love sleeping or watching movies/series, crawled up in bed while munching Cheetos and drinking soda. I really do and I can actually cancel a date for this but it is not the life I wanted for the next twenty or thirty years of my life. It might be worth it for a short period of time, but “being more” is what keeps me going so I resorted to start doing productive activities that nourishes me as an individual (aside from paying job) – I write what I want. I write what interests me. I write bits and pieces of my journey. I write my own story.
One word, One sentence, One phrase will go a long way… So I kept my pen and paper ready most of the time to take every chance to TRY and TRY again.
For I know that someday I will have my own family and I want my kids and grandchildren to know how life can be wonderful and tricky at the same time. Our old memories doesn’t need to be perfect, but we can start making it remarkable.
Just like everyone in this world, I made mistakes and I had my struggles too but my perspective is always brighter just like the sun, shinier in the dark like the stars…
Our environment is already a world full of whiners, check the social media and it is pretty obvious. Instead of focusing your energy on the things that annoys you; focus on the things that matters to you. Start doing the things you wanted without compromising your career and relationships.
I learned not to get tired of making myself better…so should you.